I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
