Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So much rum. So many feels.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
