I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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