Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
