a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize