if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
