ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
