Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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