Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
