if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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