Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we made out on top of his cat.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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