I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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