Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
