Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
