Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
