Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
