oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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