This dress was meant to end up on your floor
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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