eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Randomize
