grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
