she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
