I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
