that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Randomize
