I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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