Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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