first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize