Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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