I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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