I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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