They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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