our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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