I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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