Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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