So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
