Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
