I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
