Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize