dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
