Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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