I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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