Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
