Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My balls are so social today.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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