I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
