I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
