He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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