Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
