my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
