i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
