This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
