Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize