so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
