My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
