and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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