It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Are we still banned from the library?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
3 2 1 whiskey
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
