You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
