Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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