that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
