Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
