I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
