He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
