Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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