Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
