you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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