whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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