Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
