If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
