I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
