and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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