apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
