Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
